Currently Reading What My Mother Doesn't Know By Sonya Sones see related

AMANDA CALLED MEEEEE!! that made my day.. no that made my week. Im sooooooooo fucking happy that shes doing good. I felt like such a bitch leaving without saying bye or thanks for the fucking awesome bear with a chair she made me! [its soo pretty]!

Ok......... but now *SCREEEEEEAAMMMM* i feel so traped.. my mind went blank. I dont want to go to school i havnt been to a full day in four weeks. Im stuck and i have nobody to talk to. nobody that actually cares - like deep down inside cares. I have nothing to do. im terrified for my future... im scared of tomarow.. god theres so many goddamn long years i have to go till i can die naturally. '

Guess what.. i heard someone talking about nails and treatment and weird stuff like steering wheels. i fucking scare myself. no one was there. i was home alone...  

Oh god, and then that day when i woke up at 2 and was cussing out that spider..   that made me feel better though. I was pretending that the spider was my ex and i told him everything.... EVERYTHING!

hehe tony is singing like a girly. that cheered me up.......... for a breif moment. Im on so many god damn meds, i should be frolicking in the magical purple cotton candy clouds right now.. but im here and i dont want to be. i dont want to be at my moms. dont want to be at my dads. i dont even want to go to vegas. im so exhausted.. physically and mentally. i give up.. but i just cant stay but i cant leave either............

im........................................................................... i dont know.. about to be bitched at by my mother for whatever it is allens blaming on me for today.

im sad. dont want to go.. dont make me go. i wont.

im goin to miss everyone so bad. ill be in hell and everyone will forget. i may be gone for years, you never know this shit. i hate it already. i dont want to go. i dont want people to care, its stupid. i just dont wanna go..

oh and wow, aldan suddenly cares about me. isnt that some special shit..

.... anyways. i had my last day out with sarah and samanfer, went to some soccer games.. got some pictures and.... oh we went and baught some binkies and flamigoes and all the fabulous shit you can imagine. we had a lot of fun today.. now ima be lost not knowing when ill be able to have fun with my friends again. i dont want to go. but life sucks and then you go places and stuff....... oo im out of it. its like 3 in the morning but i dont want to sleep.. tomarows a scarrybear ass day.

but im guna cause i can, and im just cafine-free like that so byebye and ima miss you

Heloooo! ..

yesterday was aldans birthday so we all went out to CHINESE! i only drank tea, but hey it was some pretty damn good tea.. i miss aldan.

.........i have lots of blackmail pictures of him. hehe

im in basketball. i suck at it. i mean, i REALY suck at it. ill probably swicth out though. i had to go to math tutorial today and sarah smushed a sandwich.. ummm.. i fell down the stairs. allen made me play a video game. and i danced in the churches of micronesia.

i spent the night at satans <---- I didnt even mean to write that, i means *sarah! all weekend

.. yep byebye

Im...

....So

...Alone

Kara and my stevio are gone.. gone gone gone. i fuckin hate alaska. or.. i prefer las vegas. but its all good cause my daddy says if i get good grades i can move there and live with kara next year. cause i cant wait another few years to go to unlv.

kara wrote me the bestest note in the fork. oh and she gets to meet paul walker next month. thats kick ass because he is gorgeous. and then... karls getting married so when i see him im going to kick him in teh balls.

We all got together and played pool yesterday. i suck, but i won cause kara sucks more. aldan even went. i lost to him though, ofcorse.

I miss them soooo much. life is becoming shit.. now i get to go back to getting fucked up 24/7 and being a extreem bitch..

im being suspended from school for a few days, and i missed finals today so i could go to the airport, which isnt too good. Haleys mad at me cause i made fun WITH her.. ok OF her.. but sarah did it too, we were just having fun. i made a hell of fun of myself too.. she takes shit too seriously.. and she takes a lot of my food.. too.

Well............................. isnt this fun......  i need to........... go to vegas, now. i miss it there. i miss karol and rylee, and bubbah.. i miss lori, and dave and chet and even dustin and jordan.... maybe not so much dustin... i miss walking to karols and jumping in her pool. i miss madolyn. i miss being able to go to the mall in your swim suit.. and gettin up on bubbly in the limmos. i miss it soo much. you dont need to give a shit what anyone thinks there. and any place like that, thats where i wana be.

oh but sarahs coming to vegas with me in july!! its going to be awesome. i wonder if manfer can come?.. sammy do you want to? like three insane barbies in vegas. that could be dangerous. well.. anyways i have to go to my mums house soon.

oh and by the way, i am NOT 'warming up' to allen. ive come to beleive hes homosexual...... bye